Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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