Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
