"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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