I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
