Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
