I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter