worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My dick has a subreddit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders