when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is the high leading the old right now
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
