My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask