My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs