Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My balls are so social today.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor