i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
