everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
