I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
