It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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