There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
