I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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