Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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