just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
