Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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