i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
