Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
