After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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