Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.