Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.

(609): View more from New Jersey

he's a keeper

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(570): so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours. (609): he's a keeper http://tfl.nu/09kq

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(678): View more from Georgia

Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners

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(678): Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners http://tfl.nu/cs50

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(219): View more from Indiana

She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.

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(219): She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day. http://tfl.nu/oasv

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

(816): View more from Missouri

that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

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(816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

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(603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx

Replies (6) Good night (8716) Bad night (987)
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(330): View more from Ohio

beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it

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(330): beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it http://tfl.nu/hhxp

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(801): View more from Utah

He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.

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(801): He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick. http://tfl.nu/gyi3

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(613): View more from Ontario

Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?

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(613): Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots? http://tfl.nu/j4og

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(516): View more from New York

Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating

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(516): Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating http://tfl.nu/ijjp

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(587): View more from Alberta

The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.

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(587): The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll. http://tfl.nu/pn3x

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(209): View more from California

This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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(209): This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ! http://tfl.nu/qsnl

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.

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(678): I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real. http://tfl.nu/66oa

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago

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(262): Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago http://tfl.nu/39ul

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(281): View more from Texas

Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.

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(281): Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy. http://tfl.nu/smj8

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.

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(614): I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help. http://tfl.nu/pypk

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