Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.