you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
