Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!