He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good