Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
