in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?