Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...