i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt