when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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