And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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