you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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