Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
