You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Randomize
