Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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