I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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