How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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