he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
