Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
