I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
