Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do vagina's smell?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
