Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
