question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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