I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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