My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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