And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
