Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So apparently I’m into choking now
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