every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
