Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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