you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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