How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
