I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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