just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
