so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
