My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
