Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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