I CAN MOONWALK!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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