Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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