I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
