I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
