I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
