yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
