OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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