My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
