How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize