I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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