He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
