we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
