I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
