I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
