I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
