i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
