ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
