it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
