Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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