Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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