He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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