I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
