This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Randomize
