Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
be right there i have to get my cape
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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