i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
