I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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