what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
