we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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