If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
