Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dignity is for republicans.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
